You may be 20. You may be lost. And it’s okay

I always knew being in my 20’s would be a whirlwind of new experiences and obstacles, but I didn’t think I was ever ready for how quick every single day passes by, creating in its path a number of missed opportunities and heartbreak. There are people constantly reminding me that every decision made at this stage is going to bring with it a lifetime’s worth of consequences – No pressure right? It’s at this point, that I’ve seen a lot of us reach a point of being ‘lost’; a point where not being appreciated isn’t a surface level matter anymore but rather makes you question your self-worth on a daily basis.

The burden of expectations, decisions – whether it be about the course you took in college or an unhealthy relationship that you continued despite the early warning signs, being in your early 20’s can suck but it can sure as hell be an adventure.

There are going to be times when you’re surrounded by people and still feel alone. Then there are going to be times when you find yourself drowning in negativity, hatred and fear but then  you masterfully cover it up with your well-rehearsed socializing skills and/or other ‘outlets’ (you be your own judge :P) Society has led us to believe if by 20 you don’t have your life together – YOU’RE DOOMED! True, when you turn 18 you become an ‘adult’ but that doesn’t mean that all your life’s achievements, must culminate at that point or that your journey of knowledge and self discovery needs to end.

I know a friend once who wanted to take up learning the guitar when she was 23, but she didn’t because she decided she was too ‘old’ for it! OLD?! She probably has another good 60 years ahead of her but because of society; she decided that her brain was not tuned to learn anything new after 20. While we might have a million things and people to blame our insecurities on, I think sometimes we only have ourselves to blame.

I have always been a very organised person who thought she had a definite game plan for her life. If you ask some of my friends even now, they would still agree with that notion. From where I wanted to do my post grad, to my first job and even the bank I’d set up my retirement fund at (these pesky interest rates I tell you), I thought I had it all figured it. But then life came along, like it always does, and started throwing a million curve balls my way. While it initially got me all flustered, it also taught me that I am capable of so much more than the initial goals I set for myself.

As I tackled and continue to tackle these tiny but significant hurdles in my life, I’ve learnt a very important lesson along the way – Accepting change. Being in your early 20’s will teach you that nothing is permanent; you will meet a lot of temporary friends, juggle a number of different jobs and to be honest date a lot of random people before you meet the one (or maybe not). And once you embrace change in all its glory, you’ll learn that you start to learn so much about yourself, the way you handle some of life’s toughest decisions will even surprise you.

The truth is that a happy person is a peaceful person, and a peaceful person makes the right decisions. Give yourself the chance to find happiness and find things that you genuinely love doing. Surround yourself with people who aren’t judgmental but at the same time want you to be only the best version of yourself. Set goals that are realistic by a personal standard and not by the measure of society. And finally smile through the tough times; you might look like a fool but I promise you it eases the pain.

Today is a good day to take a risk, to try out something new and to make a new friend. Remember that despite what you may have heard, you are still young and you have your whole life ahead of you!

You may be 20. You may be lost. And it’s ABSOLUTELY okay 

 

Denial – Every girl’s greatest enemy

Guys are probably the most honest species around. Ever heard a girl or yourself say the following things?

“What does he mean by we can’t be in a relationship?”

“What does let’s just be friends’ mean?”

“FWB? I think he’s just scared to own up to his feelings!”

Well I have.

One would think these questions were self-explanatory right? But NO! Being the over-thinking gender of our species we will mull over these statements day and night until we find an absolutely unreasonable explanation as to why he said this. The dude can literally say he hates us to our face and we will come up with this weird explanation as to how ‘I hate you!’ translates to ‘You’re the apple of my eye, light of my life, princess to my fairytale… Please bear my children!”

I get it; one-sided love can be one of the most heartbreaking circumstances in life. When your feelings aren’t disclosed and you live in that little cheerful “What if?” bubble, life is a blissful walk in the park. Then comes that one day when the little daredevil within eggs you on to bare your feelings…Well because YOLO! If the guy likes you, well good for you. But what if he doesn’t, or worse what if he dates you and decides it’s never going to work? Well, plainly put it all goes downhill from there.

The initial denial phase is where all these mindless conclusions ensue, your friends’ opinions have no effect on you and your heart would rather continue living in this imaginary world of ecstasy – even if it means just one more day of this beautiful lie. And while we’ve all been through this and it’s totally understandable, denial can be one of the worst phases in hindsight. Stupid conclusions mean stupid actions aka the ‘Maybe we could give this another try?’ phase. It is also around the time you lose all self-respect, stop taking care of yourself and ‘depression’ becomes your constant state of mind.

So what does one do then? Face the situation! Sure the pain is going to hit you quickly, but so will the ‘healing ’.  Never try to read into what a guy says because more often than not he means exactly what he says. And more than anything don’t put yourself down for any reason, any guy!

Though difficult, this is best for everyone involved. Be your own hero today and leave the past behind!

He’s way out of my league!! Not.

My last few posts have been about family, terrorism and feminism and I’m not really in the mood to write another tearjerker. Also I went to this really fun party, and just feel like writing something girly and Tumblr-esq. (I’m sure that’s not a word)

So as you know, I study in a girl’s college and let me tell you that the hierarchy in such an institution is set and there’s nothing you can do about it. Straight out of a cliché movie like ‘Mean Girls’ there are the plastics and then there are those who are well…. not so plastic. It isn’t uncommon for me to hear people say things like “Dude he’s way out of my league, this is never happening!” or “Why in the world is she dating him?!” Confession –I’ve said these exact same lines time and again.

Okay you’re probably confused now and saying things like “Fiona get to the point!” I shall. The last two years have taught me something, that there is no such thing as a ‘league’. The leagues that we set basically are just mental blocks we put for ourselves when we think someone is too good for us. What constitutes “too good” for you? Is it looks, popularity or personality?

Well first, looks are genetic (tough luck there’s nothing you can do about it!). Well maybe if you were rich you could.

Two, popularity is usually based on interests. Obviously if your idea of fun is arranging your college’s big cultural event, you’re social standing isn’t going to be as much as someone who is killing it in the city’s music scene. So that makes you less right? Hardly! You’re just gifted in a different way; a way that will get you a good job, that could be really beneficial for you in the future!

And finally personality! One of my favourite quotes goes like this “If you’re a five on the inside and a ten on the outside, then you’re a five”. This quote just rings so true to me every time I read or think of it. A person’s personality can completely change the world’s initial image of them. Hence, the math is simple. Have a great personality, and it nullifies the materialistic criteria of looks!

To be honest, while we’re bitching about that ‘random chick’ going out with the social butterfly, inside you’re all wondering how exactly she accomplished this ‘great feat’! The answer is simple – confidence. Everyone has ability, everyone has talent; some of us are extroverts and some of us relish a rainy day in with a beautiful novel. But what we all are is special. To be a youngster who knows their faults and their talents, to have a group of friends who genuinely love you and to be excellent in something that is special to you, is something admirable! Life is always going to throw you curve ball; you are going to fall more times than you rise. But don’t stay down; keep your head high and get that guy! (I sound like a rapist -_-) And hey they do say that opposites attract, so you never know! Screw those ‘mental’ leagues, follow your heart –it truly is all that matters.

When Interstellar taught me a thing or two

So my mom had a case of the ‘mid-week crisis’ and wanted to watch a movie- Interstellar. I had been saving up that film to watch with my friends but I went anyway. After the whole awkward ‘purposely ignoring known people in the mall, because I’m watching a movie with my mom’, we finally settled in our seats. There I sat, ready to be proven ignorant because everyone had told me there was so much complex Physics attached to this film. But as the 3 hours went on (and I must say quickly), I had to disagree with all of them. The movie was the most stunning spectacle my eyes have ever witnessed and the story even more beautiful.
Now don’t get me wrong, this is NOT a movie review. But who can deny the insane music, VFX, acting, casting and…EVERYTHING! After Inception and The Dark Knight Rises, we’ve come to expect no less in the VFX department. Nolan’s movies not only win with their story, but also because their visuals can transport their audiences to different worlds – Interstellar is up there with the best. And this movie was just so well-casted! With Dallas Buyers Club and now Interstellar, Matthew McConaughey has cemented his place amongst Hollywood’s elite and in my heart. (Don’t mind the fan girl moment). But then again this isn’t a movie review.
So like I said, there I was in the theater, marveling at everything that appeared on screen. My favorite parts were actually when they would shift between the commotion within the craft and then the silence and desolation of the surrounding space. Every time that happened, it made me realize how insignificant we actually are in the whole scheme of things. Outside our world are other planets, galaxies and stars that we not only have no control over, but no knowledge about itself. Yet here we live every day, selfish, jealous, waging wars and spreading gossip. Our lives are so self involved, that at times we don’t even give a damn about the people around us.
The moment that stood out to me the most, is when McConaughey goes plunging into the black hole and hence complete darkness. For some reason those few seconds watching him made me feel so breathless and uneasy. We take friends and family so much for granted don’t we? The thought of isolation never hits us and we just take every day for granted.
Midway through the movie he asks the question, “What purpose does love serve?”. Clearly the purpose of love is to bring people close, to form bonds and grow together, so that no one on this planet ever has to go through that kind of loneliness. It’s the only thing that traverses boundaries and time, and eventually kept the characters aboard the mission sane.
The power of hope is mighty powerful. The sister and brother exhibit two ends of the hope spectrum. For the girl who hopes her dad is coming back and in all the research she is working on, on. In fact the hope for a better future actually drives her to work harder and makes her character more compassionate and humane. And then there is the brother, having lost a child and all his livelihood, is like the representation of the state of the planet in the movie. Worn down, unpromising and working for the end, the brother shows what living with no hope can do to a person.
Matt Damon’s performance is short lived and diabolical. He is representative of our survival instincts, fight or flight. I never thought I’d ever hate any of Damon’s characters!
I went to the movies expecting to witness the sci-fi blockbuster movie of the year and one of the greatest visual treats of all times. And don’t get me wrong, Interstellar definitely exceeded my expectations. But in addition to this I came back ‘schooled’ in human emotion and psychology. This movie gave me more than my money’s worth.
Interstellar is not just a movie; Interstellar showed me life.